It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
