I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
