I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
