don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
