i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
