When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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