I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
we should paint friendship bongs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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