i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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