need another drink. this is the easiest way
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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