Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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