i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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