if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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