I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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