I wish I could punch you in the face.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize