I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
