He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
