I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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