I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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