Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
