Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
