Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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