I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
