you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
