Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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