just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
