WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
