Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
