I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize