My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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