This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
