she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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