just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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