Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think my moral compass just broke
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