She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
