Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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