Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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