Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
