Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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