I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
