last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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