You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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