my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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