Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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