I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
