Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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