You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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