I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
