I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
