I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
