also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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