I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
