still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
