Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
