Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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