I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
