what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
