No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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