did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
