I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
