before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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