so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
