where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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