Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
