Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she told me i tasted like america
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
