i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
