I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
