one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize