You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
