Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
