my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize