1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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