Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
