The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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