I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
