He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize