Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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