There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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