Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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