Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
