First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
