The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
