you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
