Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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