I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
