fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
