he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
