k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
