my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
