this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
