Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
