At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize